you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
