i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
