just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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