Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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