i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
