I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
