You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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