I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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