and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
