You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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