Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
