mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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