i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
