i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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