I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
