What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
