I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
