My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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