I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
