No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The uberlube is also flammable
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
