how can u be prego again
they need to just BURY HIM!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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