You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
