Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
