she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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