I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
