I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
