lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
