i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
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Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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