I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Found the puke drawer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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