He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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