you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
