I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
