just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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