He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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