dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
