youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
