areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
