Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
