maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
