I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
