:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.