This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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