Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.