Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
