My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.