I wish I could punch you in the face.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....