somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.