There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
