R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
