if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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