Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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