my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
