Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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