let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
