my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
