so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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