Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
