Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
