My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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