I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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