My hand turned me down
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
