I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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