It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
