I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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