remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you traded sex for a burrito?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
