Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my phone needs a breathalizer
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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