when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
