I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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