if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
