and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm bleeding and have questions
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