i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
