Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
