you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
