I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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