Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
