Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
